


Lifetime Secrets

by Rosetta



Series: Lifetime Archives [1]
Category: Elsword (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, I swear it's nothing romantic, If anything I've just reduced a homicidal mad scientist into a sobbing ball of big baby but ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 08:36:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3202715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosetta/pseuds/Rosetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What started as a curiosity eventually became a mission, as Ciel tried to take a peek into Add's tightly closed heart. What started as a hobby, then a duty, eventually became a key for him to reach out beyond the walls called anger and fear. What he actually did, uh, even he himself wasn't too sure about that...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lifetime Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> This began with an influx of Ciel-Cookies-Add headcanons on some parts of the Internet, which eventually prompted me to somewhat jump onto the bandwagon.
> 
> I'm not exactly a hardcore Ciel/Add shipper (in fact, the only Add pair I actually ship is probably Add/Nasods (or Addcest but let's not get there yet) and even saying that is kind of pushing it). I probably can't even say I'm a shipper at all. That being said, I do love the headcanon of Add actually missing his family despite being all angry and scary and shit (he's like an angry cat trying to look scary except he actually punches harder than cats), and I love the trivial fact that Ciel is probably our best cook in the El Team followed by Elsword. Yes, I don't ship them as some lovey-lovey boyfriends but I certainly can't argue with the idea of Ciel being the mother of the team, so...
> 
> Yeah.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> (Just to clear things up a bit in case things get lost in my hella weird descriptions, Add is a Psychic tracer somewhere around halfway through the story. I left hints here and there about his job advancement but...yeah, it probably got lost somewhere oops. Why Psychic? Not too many reasons why other than he seems more the type who'd so openly sulk...)

"Nice to meet you."

Add simply stared at the gloved hand offered to him, making its owner raise an eyebrow. "What's wrong?" Ciel asked, to the silent boy. The rest of the El Team, whom he had already got to talk with, had already told them in their own ways how he probably wouldn't be able to receive any well-mannered answer from Add, and that he probably shouldn't even bother trying. 

After all, Add had always been like an outsider in the El Team, the way he acts and stays away from them, despite their attempts to look at him as one of them.

But Ciel tried anyway. He approached Add, who was simply looking at him and Lu from the top of a small tree when Elsword introduced them to everyone else. He offered his hand, expecting at least a verbal reply to his handshake offer. And—

"You're what's wrong."

—was Add's reply to his question. Ciel wasn't fazed at the boy's attempt on being rude, however, calmly pulling back his arm and putting his hand in his pocket. His other hand was holding Lu from pouncing onto the boy ("YOU THINK YOU'RE SOOO BETTER THAN MY HANDPICKED BUTLER, HUH?  _HUH??_  GET—"), and he shot a small smile towards Add.

Add clearly didn't expect the response he was given. But the only thing that showed his surprise was a flicker of doubt on his magenta eyes, which was quickly hidden by a frown. "You're weird." He said, before he jumped off the tree and walked away.

It was the first spark of Ciel’s curiosity about the little enigma called Add.

 

* * *

 

"That rude,  _rude_  little runt!"

"Lu, you're shorter than him."

" _I KNOW THAT THANK YOU VERY MUCH!_ " Lu huffed, frowning childishly before jumping onto a vacant chair. "But you know that's not what I meant, Ciel! I mean,  _you're what's wrong_." The small-bodied girl mockingly did a bad imitation of Add's wordings, while Ciel wasn't even interested in watching her. "WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS!?"

She was still frowning angrily when Ciel passed her a small pouch of phoru cookies, which she then happily accepted. "Well," Ciel couldn't help sighing at how Lu's mood changed so quickly. "I can't argue with the fact he was being painfully rude. But why would he be that rude? I mean, it's not like we've met before."

"H'hat's hust how he iwsh, hhohahhly."

Ciel looked down at the sitting Lu, his eyes meeting sparkling cyan eyes belonging to the girl who had just talked with her mouth completely full with cookies. "...eat your cookies before you speak, Lu, you'll choke if you don't." Another sigh escaped Ciel's mouth, as Lu casually swallowed the mouthful of cookies. Licking her fingers clean of crumbs, Lu gazed at Ciel, who was clearly bothered with the thought of having an unknown boy being unexplainably rude towards him.

"You should ask him yourself, then."

"Sorry?" Ciel turned to Lu, who was still licking her left thumb. The demon girl grinned at him, feeling proud of her own brilliant suggestion towards her curious servant. "Ask him," she said. "You just want to know why he's so rude towards you. Ask him, then."

"But you saw how he acted, didn't you? He just ignored me like that."

"Well, that's your own problem to solve, not mine, servant. By the way, get me something cold, would you?"

 

* * *

 

Ciel's first attempt happened one evening after he was challenged to a cooking face-off with Elsword.

They were camping in the middle of the Ruben forest when the idea dawned upon Rena. "Ciel," She called out to Ciel as they set up a fireplace together. "I heard from Lu you're a capable cook." This, for a moment, confused Ciel, as while Lu had praised his cooking from time to time, she had never once told anyone that.

Something about 'My servant should only cook for me, his master!' or something like that.

"This is just a small idea from me and Aisha, but would you be interested in a small cooking contest with Elsword? It would be a fun way to spend the night!" the elf didn't even wait for an answer as she handed Ciel a basket of herbs and grasses. "I've taken the liberty to gather wild herbs for you—all you need to get is the meat, if you decide to use any!"

Naturally, Ciel had to oblige.

 

* * *

 

...that being said, the once-feared mafioso of one of the most infamous family in his hometown found it hard to commit murder on phorus and rabbits.

Lu had once told him about this single, most ridiculous weakness of his. She had poked at him severely about how he'd turn paralyzed at the sight of the roundest of eyes, at the smallest of bodies—at the cutest of even the not-cute. He tried looking around the lake for meat, but at the sight of the phorus' round eyes and yellowish tiny snouts, he'd buckle onto the ground crying at his own cruelty for even  _thinking_  about murdering the innocent (cute) creature.

He saw Elsword walking past him earlier with a dead phoru at his tow. The younger boy had mentioned something about making a phoru bone-based soup for their little contest and for dinner (Ciel had to hold back from strangling Elsword for even committing the unthinkable)—at this point, Ciel would be cooking without meat. Fruits and vegetables? He could go deeper into the forest to get mushrooms, but then he wouldn't be able to get back before sundown. He wouldn't have anything to serve on dinner time.

And that would mean he lose without any visible attempt.

That would mean Lu's rage.

Not Lu's rage, please.  _Anything but that._

He was still at his crouching position when he suddenly heard a faint whooshing coming closer. Swiftly, he pulled out his gun and directed it towards the sound, only to use it to block a slap from a floating chunk of metal. Not too long after, he recognized it as one of Add's weapons. What did they call those levitating blocks— _dynamo_?

"The hell you're doing blocking the high road like this?" came Add's irritated question, complete with an obvious scowl on his pale face. He looked at Ciel's unsheathed weapon, and then at the herb-filled basket near the older male. "Don't tell me you haven't managed to get even  _one_  phoru?"

Ciel's nervous laugh was answer enough.

"You're pitiful."

The words struck Ciel as painfully as a dream of Lu growing boobs.

"Why are you so rude to me, Add?" The question just came out from Ciel's mouth as if he didn't think about it. It was such a sudden question that even Add was slightly taken aback for a moment. The two's eyes met, and they were silently staring at each other until Ciel got whacked by a passing phoru's mace.

At that point, Add simply went on his merry way, leaving Ciel's question unanswered.

 

* * *

 

In the end, Elsword had more than enough phoru meat for both of them to use and he had enough meat to cook with. They ended up tying because Eve couldn't eat their cooking and Elesis, surprisingly, couldn't choose between her brother's cooking and Ciel's.

Add flat out refused to eat together.

 

* * *

 

His seventh and last “attempt" attempt was during a trip to Velder. They were going along the path of the Pilgrim's Path when Ciel straight out asked Add the same question that he had always asked ("Why are you so rude to me, Add?") in front of everyone else, invoking a thick silence, followed with whisperings that obviously belonged to Aisha and Ara.

Add stopped walking and turned to Ciel. "You're irritating, you know that? Why would you ask that question all the time anyway? It's not like I'm just rude to you. I'm rude to everyone."

There were collective nods from almost everyone, but Ciel didn't easily give up. "I always believe that when someone is persistently angry or rude, there's an underlying reason behind it." He said, his face unwavering. "Fine if you're rude to everyone, then—I'll change my question. Why are you so rude, Add? No—I guess that’s not the right question to ask. Why are you so  _angry_ , Add?"

“Me? Angry?  _….me_?"

It wasn’t the first time Ciel heard Add laughing, but it was the strangest he had heard up until that point. It even made Lu shift uncomfortably behind Ciel’s back, muttering ‘he’s scaring me’ so quietly that Ciel almost missed it.

“You’re funny, I’d give you that,  _old man_ ,” Add said, after his laughter died down. “So what if I’m angry? No one cared and we were fine. Why would you care? "

“I don’t care."

Ciel’s sudden statement brought silence between them. “It’s not like I care about why you’re angry, Add.” It was an honest statement. Ciel didn’t care. Ciel never cared. The only reason he kept asking Add the same question again and again was—

“I’m simply curious."

It stopped Add from his angry tirade, effectively. The boy stared at Ciel with eyes wide full of disbelief and astonishment. “Curious! Haven’t you ever heard the words ‘Curiosity kills the pig’?"

“It’s cat."

“Whatever." Add scowled, muttering curses under his breath. "Why am I angry? Maybe it's because I just am."

So he answered, without looking at Ciel. As Ciel let the answer sink into his head, Add continued walking, leaving the rest of the group to watch him go.

 

* * *

 

“What are those?"

It was one of those extremely rare occasions in which Add began a conversation with his so-called teammates. Lu was spending the sunny noon laying around in Hamel’s fields, gleefully swallowing mouthfuls of Ciel’s specialty phoru cookies when Add approached her.

Clearly, he was either interested in her sparkling, eye-blinding beauty or her award-deserving skills of cookies-devouring, she thought at first. But then she remembered about how she dignifiedly appointed Add as Apprentice Candy Monster when she saw him practically  _vacuuming_  bags of assorted sweets during a walk through Feita’s dungeons.

He was, simply, nervous back then, claimed Add when Lu investigated the previously unknown skill of his.

Nevertheless, as a gracious and charitable queen-to-be, she kindly replied to the lowly apprentice’s silly question.

“These are called cookies, dummy."

“I know those are cookies, shrimp,”  _Lu is a kind and charitable queen-to-be who will not succumb to provocations and trivial slights!_  the small-bodied demon girl thought, even though she could feel her eye twitch at the word ‘shrimp’. “I was asking what kind. I never saw phoru cookies that big before."

“Why would you think I'll share that with you?"

This time Add’s eye twitched, as Lu tossed another cookie into her mouth. “But I’ll share one last cookie with you, just because I’m that kind."

“Pft, no. You can eat your damn cookies."

“Aww, really?"

Hearing no more retorts from Add, Lu grinned before crunching her last cookie, not forgetting to chew on it as loudly as possible. The corners of her mouth shifted up when she saw Add trying to steal glances at her as discreetly as a ramming goat with each audible crunch that came from her mouth.

He was obviously lying about not wanting any cookies.

“Well, if you want some—you can get some from Ciel."

“What?"

Oh, so he hadn’t known yet?

“The cookies, the cookies! Ciel made them, you see."

“…. _huh_?"

 

* * *

 

The oven in the kitchen inn was burning hotter than the dry air of Besma. Ciel had especially requested—not threatened; he actually stopped Lu from clawing at the inn owner, in fact—that he was given permission to use the kitchen the entire day that day. It was for a very special celebration: Elsword's promotion into a Sword Knight.

...Although, after travelling with the group for more than two years, he certainly did wonder if some handmade cookies would be enough for the event. They are some very hungry comrades, after all...

Plates of cookies that were already finished were scattered all over the kitchen tables, as Ciel continued stamping cookie molds onto rolled sheets of dough. He was happily adding round, raspberry noses onto his giant phoru cookies when he heard faint footsteps and nearly-inaudible tinkling of metal trailing into the kitchen— _his_  kitchen for the day.

It was Add, miserably trying to sneak into the kitchen with those strange metal belts of his.

Ciel couldn't help smiling at the failed attempt, but he decided not to turn around just yet. He continued putting raspberry noses on his cookies, hiding his awareness of the younger intruder. It wasn't until he heard the faint sound of a plate being shifted that he finally spoke.

"You know, I think you should take off that black, feathery jacket of yours sometimes, Add."

The boy was so shocked that the plate he was about to loot nearly fell off the table. Ciel finally turned around, a wide smile plastered on his face as he looked at Add knowingly. "Elesis wouldn't appreciate you stealing cookies, Add, especially when said cookies are supposed to be on  _her_  plate."

Caught red-handed in the act, Add frowned and grudgingly pushed the plate back onto the table. "I was planning to grab just one." Seeing the usually scary-faced boy pouting childishly (almost like Lu when she was denied her extra cake, Ciel noticed), the older male nearly burst out laughing. He held back the laughter, somehow, and picked a plate from another table.

"I made cookies for everyone, Add," he said, as he put the plate in front of Add. "Including you. You don't need to steal anyone else's."

Add stared at the cookies on the plate. It was a pile of larger-than-usual phoru cookies with purple eyes and red raspberry noses. "I made the eyes with some grape extracts I got from the fields," Ciel explained, noticing Add's gaze towards the plate. "I thought of adding some berry juice to make it a little redder so it's closer to your eye colour than Aisha's, but the taste became weird so I didn't—"

Ciel didn't expect that as he spoke he would be interrupted with a flying plate full of cookies. He managed to catch the offending plate, but most of the purple-eyed cookies successfully landed on the kitchen floor. He turned his gaze to Add, whose face was hidden under the shade of his bushy white hair.

He was noticeably trembling.

"Add...?"

It surprised Ciel even more than the plate when Add suddenly bolted out from the kitchen, leaving the mess he had just made angrily. Why did the boy became so angry, Ciel had absolutely no idea. Even Rena and Raven, who came not too long after they saw Add rushing back into his own room, couldn't explain the tracer's sudden outburst.

 

* * *

 

"Well he's obviously angry for a reason." Lu helpfully supplied, as Ciel picked the cookies off the floor. "I mean, he's usually angry, sure, but he had never threw plates at people...has he?"

Rena shook her head at Lu's question. "He had thrown plates at us before, but this is the first time he becomes this silent." She said, followed with a nod from Elsword, who added more comments about Add's usual outbursts.

"He'd usually remember to swear and throw death threats at us before disappearing to El knows where."

Rena and Raven nodded in agreement.

"It's good that you're okay, though, Ciel," Elsword said again as he crouched to pick another cookie from the floor. Looking at the cookie, he frowned. "Too bad he couldn't seem to appreciate your cookies, huh? Even throwing it away like it tastes awful! I'm not even sure if his taste buds are working correctly—these are really delicious..."

Hearing Elsword, Ciel was quiet for a while. "Thank you, Elsword," He finally said with a small smile. "I'm glad you like them anyway. And congratulations again for finally becoming a Swords Knight."

At the back of his mind, however, Ciel couldn't completely shake his thoughts off the angry teenager who was probably sulking in his room.

 

* * *

 

Ciel walked along the inn's hallway bringing a lit handheld lantern. It was dark outside, and the stars were slightly hidden by a thin veil of clouds. In his hand were a plate of purple-eyed phoru cookies and a glass three quarters full of warm milk, which he planned to leave in front of Add's room. He was worried about Add—after the boy shut himself in his room, he didn't come out at all, not even to grab dinner like he'd usually do.

He stopped in front of Add's door, and a thought of entering the room actually passed through his mind. He shook his head, however, thinking that the boy probably wouldn't want any night visitors—in case he was still awake. What he didn't expect was that when he bowed to put the cookies and milk in front of the room, the door creaked open, showing a fluff of messy white hair and a very tired-looking Add glancing at him.

"...hey," Ciel quietly greeted the boy, "Are you okay?"

 

* * *

 

Add didn't directly answer the question, but he did open the door slightly wider when Ciel asked if he could enter. They finally ended up sitting face to face, Add on the edge of the bed and Ciel on a wooden chair, with the plate of cookies and milk put safely on the sidetable next to the bed.

For a while neither of them said anything—Add was silently looking at a purple-eyed phoru cookie in his hand, while Ciel fixed his gaze at the younger boy. Add seemed exhausted, he'd notice, as he looked at the faint redness under Add's eyes, which weren't apparent earlier in the day. Did he cry?—he asked himself, as he continued staring at Add.

"—rry."

Ciel blinked, realizing that had just missed what Add just said.

"I'm sorry."

The voice that said the words was a faint whisper, almost inaudible. Any lower and the sound of the candle's flickering flame could probably render the words unheard. Ciel did hear it the second time it was said, however, and it puzzled him. It didn't go unnoticed by Add.

"I'm sorry for...throwing the cookies at you."

Ciel almost couldn't believe Add was quietly apologizing to him in the middle of the night. He was almost,  _almost_  tempted to stand up and check if there's some stray demon possessing the pouting boy. The thought was quickly swat away by the surprise of seeing Add slowly biting the cookie in his hand, however.

Another silence passed.

Another thing that Ciel noticed in the candle light was how Add would hold each cookies for a while in his hands, staring at each and everyone of them with a strange look he had never seen on the boy's face before, before finally eating them very slowly, as if trying to savour as much flavour off the cookies as he could.

He even noticed what seemed like a slight glint of tears off the corner of Add's eyes.

"Hey, it's...okay. You're forgiven."  _So stop crying_ , Ciel silently added. He almost wanted to reach out his hand to at least give the boy a pat on the head, or even a hug, but all he could do was sit on the chair as he watched Add eat another cookie, just as slowly as he did with the other ones he had eaten.

"...the cookies you made—"

Add's voice became a little hoarser, and Ciel swore he even heard a slight sniff in his voice.

"—they remind me of my mother, see."

Ah.

"She was a  _horrible_  cook," again, Add picked another phoru cookie, and fiddled with it in his hands. His eyes seemed a little distant, as he narrated a chip off his past. "And the only edible thing she could make was little orange cookies which tasted nothing like orange cookies because she can't differentiate orange leaves and basil leaves."

There was a small laugh that accompanied a sniff, as Add remembered his past. At the point, Ciel began to understand Add's emotional reaction to his cookies. Not everyone use herbs in cookies—especially not basil leaves. It was one of his personal touches, adding basil to cookie dough; who'd knew that someone in the distant past would have thought of doing the same?

Or rather—accidentally do the same.

 _He only missed his mother so much_. Ciel thought, and he began to wonder if the same reason is also the reason for his usually ill-mannered way of acting.

He couldn't help chuckling together with Add tonight, though, thinking of the poor housewife who probably spent hours in the gardens trying to pick different, similar-looking herbs everytime she wanted to cook something.

Add finally returned silent, biting the cookie in his hands slowly again. Ciel wanted to ask the question that he had forgotten for months, but decided not to in the end, as he saw the corner of Add's mouth rose slightly as he ate more cookies. Instead, he leaned on the back of the chair he was sitting on, watching Add with a content face.

It didn't go unnoticed for too long, as Add then looked back at him, frowning confusedly with his mouth covered with cookie crumbs. "What?" He asked, earning him a pleased smile from the team cook.

"Nothing," Ciel answered, still smiling.

"Just...happy, that's all."

 

* * *

 

Ciel yawned widely as he entered the dining room the next morning. He ended up accompanying Add the entire night, watching the boy empty the plate slowly, occasionally talking about their past, cookies, and even—at some point, which even he wasn't sure of whether it really happened or not—exchanged one or two bad puns with each others.

He remembered Add becoming sleepy a few minutes after drinking the milk that was luckily still quite warm. He also remembered pulling a sheet over Add after the boy collapsed onto the bed, sleeping comfortably with a small smile on his face. He remembered Lu glaring at him and almost (quietly) yelling at him for leaving her defenseless in the middle of the night.

But he wasn't even sure if everything wasn't just a nice, slow dream.

"Good morning," he greeted the rest of the team, who he had expected to wake up earlier than he did. He didn't notice the different, slightly thicker atmosphere surrounding the table, at first, as he entered the room and sat on the chair between Elsword and Lu. He was scratching his tired eyes when he heard Lu ask Add to pass her the tomato sauce.

At which point he almost flipped the table when he suddenly stood up.

"ADD!?"

The mentioned boy, who was disgruntledly passing a bottle of tomato sauce to the demon girl across him, looked up at the clearly shocked man as if it was a normal thing for him to be sitting on the table.

"You missed the shock party, servant," It was Lu who then took the liberty to spoke first at the stunned bodyguard. "We spent almost an entire hour already interrogating poor albino here about his sudden decision to join us all for breakfast. Not that he gave us any meaningful answer, but you still missed that."

Looking around, Ciel finally noticed almost everyone else on the table giggling and smiling at the three of them. Eve was expressionless as usual, and both Aisha and Elesis were still shooting suspicious glances at Add, he noticed. Add himself, meanwhile, simply sat back on his chair and continued chewing his sunny-side eggs quietly.

"Sit down, you're blocking the sun, Ciel!" Lu's protest finally snapped Ciel out of his shock, prompting him to finally sit back down. Lu then leaned closer to Ciel, whispering to him as the others returned to their meal.

"How did you get him to come? I even tried bribing him with candies and he just ignored me!"

Poking his egg with a fork, even Ciel asked himself the same question at first. He stole quick glances at Add, who seemed more interested at poking the wobbly part of the egg yolk than actually eating his meal, and couldn't help but to smile at the sight.

"Well..."

Lu nearly fell off her chair as she leaned closer and closer to Ciel. Ciel grinned as he took another glance at Add, who finally decided to deliver justice to the well-cooked egg and ate it while mumbling something about 'not enough salt'.

"...I wonder about that too, myself."

 


End file.
